Feng Jin always stands alone in the empty square, with a cold and disappointed look in her eyes. Her eyes seem to penetrate the world in front of her, and she can’t see anything in front of her. Her figure disappears in the gray mist, with a little loneliness that does not belong to this era. Those pedestrians who hurried by can’t see her existence, and perhaps even her shadow will not leave any trace in their minds. Feng Jin is the name that will be forgotten forever, the person who is destined to disappear in the long river of history.
In the eyes of these people, Feng Jin is just another passerby, an image that dissipates in the street. There is nothing special about her. Her existence did not attract anyone’s attention, as if she should not exist in this world. She is like the day that has not been colored by the years, silent, hopeless, but cannot be ignored. Her life is like an abandoned slate, the wheels of time have passed, leaving only cracks, and there is nothing in the cracks.
“Fear crushes flesh and blood.” This sentence is not new. It has been stationed in Feng Jin’s heart for many years. Her fear seems to have never left. It is not some sudden threat, but her confrontation with herself day after day, and the endless gap between her and the world. Feng Jin knows that fear does not come from the outside world, but overflows from the heart, like an invisible tide, drowning all hope. She has been living in this fear, muddleheaded, like a small boat drifting with the tide, without direction, without goal, and can only let the torrent of fate push forward.
Sometimes, Feng Jin even doubts whether she really lives in this world. She lives like a trapped beast that cannot escape. When she closes her eyes, she seems to be able to hear the groaning from the depths. She can no longer ask for those so-called answers and look for those empty meanings. Every second, every minute and every second that passes, there is an indescribable sense of oppression. This sense of oppression makes her even forget who she is and forget the hopes and dreams she once had. She is just a person who keeps wandering on the edge of the world, destined to never be able to integrate into the group she never understands.
“Courage tears the chest.” For Feng Jin, courage has always been an unfamiliar word. She has never learned how to face challenges, nor how to bravely resist. There has never been any moment in her life that is worthy of pride. Those so-called courage are empty words from other people’s mouths. Her life is like a piece of abandoned paper, exposed to the wind and rain, and cannot be favored by anyone. She has heard of those who fight for their ideals, but she has never believed that she has the courage to change anything or create anything. The only thing she can do is to bear it silently, like an ant swallowed by time.
“Glory baptizes the body.” Feng Jin feels that she has never had any glory. She lives a low-key, lonely and silent life. There is an insurmountable gap between her and glory. She once dreamed that she was standing in the center of the stage, surrounded by thousands of people, but when she opened her eyes, the dream dissipated like a cloud of smoke. She knew that glory was just a vassal of others, and she could not and did not want to be the image of others. She would rather enjoy herself in the corner than be the focus of attention. She was used to loneliness, used to not being seen, and used to her own failures.
She had never pursued anything, and the world had long lost all its meaning to her. In her eyes, there were no dreams, no desires, only a kind of fatigue from deep inside. This kind of fatigue, she could not express in words, nor could anyone understand it. It was like a hand tightly covering her heart, forcing her to be unable to breathe. She didn’t understand why it was like this, and why she always felt so empty, like a soul destined to be lost.
“Thoughts are seeds, and manas sprouts.” These words were like an uncontrollable melancholy, constantly surging in Feng Jin’s heart. She had thought that if she could have those insignificant things, would she be able to fill the emptiness in her heart. She had tried to make her life more fulfilling, but no matter how hard she tried, she still couldn’t break free from the black hole that always existed. Whenever she wanted to change something, or pursue other people’s ideals, she would always be suppressed by an inexplicable force. She looked at those who lived freely, her heart was full of envy, but she could not understand why they could live so easily.
She could never find her place in this world. Those constantly running footsteps seemed to be far away from her. Her heart had long been numb, and her eyes no longer pursued any light. She knew that she was destined to be only a speck of dust in the world, and she would never be noticed. Her fate was destined to be ordinary, destined to just pass by this world.
“Footprints of fate.” Feng Jin has been wondering if her fate has been determined. She has never tried to change, nor has she the strength to resist. She only knows that she can’t escape this seemingly long, but ultimately hopeless road. She does not expect to change, nor does she expect to be remembered one day. She only hopes that she can live quietly, in her own world, even if this world is so lonely.
Feng Jin knew that she would never have a great dream, nor would she ever be a hero in people’s eyes. She could only live in silence, like a bug trapped in a glass jar, breathing quietly until she disappeared. She knew that she didn’t have the courage to change anything, but she never thought of escaping. She was just a lonely person standing in a corner, occasionally gazing at the world, and her loneliness became her deepest connection with the world.